An Autobiographical Micro Film Screenplay, 2017

(1) INT. APARTMENT – DAY

MELVIN, a rather eccentric looking fellow with a bow tie, glasses, and hair standing on end, is standing next to a kitchen table in his apartment. The table is covered in locks and lock-picking equipment.

MELVIN

Hi everybody, today we take up the problem of how to pick a lock.
This is a skill that can be useful in all sorts of situations.

Say, for example, that you’ve invited your friends over to try a
batch of your world-famous spinach jello casserole.

He walks to his front door, opens it, and steps out to look around.

MELVIN (CONT’D)

But when you open the door to welcome them all in, not only is there no one there, but the door has closed itself behind you.

The door closes behind him.

(2) EXT. APARTMENT PORCH – DAY

MELVIN

In a situation like this, the first thing to do is break out your trusty set of lockpicks!

At this point, our legal department would like to remind you that
“while lockpicking may be a fun and useful hobby for aspiring
spies, locksmiths, and everyday forgetful oafs, the act of picking locks or the possession of lock picks without criminal intent is
illegal in a few jurisdictions. If this applies to you then it is
respectfully requested that you shut your eyes, cover your ears, and plug your nose for this part of our program.”

We see various fake legal documents and warnings.

MELVIN (CONT’D)

Now, a lock works by only rotating when a set of tiny pins is lined up by the correct key.

When picking locks, the lock pick acts like the individual teeth of the key, forcing each of the tiny pins into place one by one. The tension wrench keeps solved pins in place, and opens the lock when all the pins have been aligned.

A simple animation demonstrates the art of lockpicking.

MELVIN (CONT’D)

A simple kit should include a double-sided tension wrench, and a few of the basic picks.

We see the various tools.

(3) EXT. APARTMENT PORCH – DAY

MELVIN

It’s preferable to keep them in your wallet.

Melvin checks his pocket and realizes there’s no wallet.

MELVIN (CONT’D)

In a situation like this it may be necessary to fabricate lockpicking tools from hair pins. But if your hair looks like this and is held together with hot glue rather than pins, this no longer becomes an
option. At this point, you may have to resort to your cleverly hidden spare key!

Melvin uncovers his hidden spare key box, which he opens to
discover it is empty.

MELVIN (CONT’D)

At this point, you may have to resort to your less hidden spare door! Though when you live in a third-floor condominium that may
be a bit of a problem. The first thing you need is someone to boost you up. Or a ladder? Or even a three-legged chair to stand on?

Melvin can find nothing to help him climb the building, but he notices a drill left out on the toolbox of some workmen.

MELVIN (CONT’D)

As a last resort, you may have to drill a hole through your own lock. For this, you’ll need a quarter inch titanium or black oxide coated drill bit. Now you simply need to plug the drill in,
and –

MELVIN looks around to see that there’s no plug for the drill. In frustration, he starts pushing and pulling on the doorknob. To his surprise, it pops out.

(4) INT. APARTMENT – DAY

MELVIN re-enters his apartment.

MELVIN

And as you can see, following these simple steps can ensure you make it home in time for a delicious dinner with friends. I’m sure they’ll be here soon…